…Or maybe I’m scaring it away? Yes, that must be it. Maybe I’m scaring motivation away each time I see that beautiful, delicious Little Caeser’s Pizza, or maybe it’s when that ice-cold Pepsi is calling my name during lunch at work…
As much as I would LOVE to find a scapegoat for why I keep straying away from my goals, it actually just really boils down to me: I have not been strong enough to see these foods in front of me, and have the willpower to say NO. I’ve gone too long blaming PCOS for my weight, when deep, deep inside, I know it also has to do with my terrible choices and eating habits. Yikes. That’s a really hard and scary thing to admit. I really have done this to myself, haven’t I?
Yes, I’ve made this mess, and it’s time to clean it up. I had a Dairy Queen Blizzard today, and though it was delicious, I felt disgusting after I ate it. My stomach felt bloated and sick, and I felt tired immediately after finishing. About 10 minutes later after beating myself up for eating it, I thought “Why do I do that to myself?” I hear the saying “Nothing tastes better than being thin feels” and I think, wow…How amazingly true is that? That Blizzard tasted good for the 10 minutes I was eating it, but had no further benefits to me; instead, I spent an hour feeling guilty and wishing I could undo what I did.
So, like I said….Time to do some clean up! After feeling guilty for a while, I decided to go ahead and make my lunch for tomorrow so that I’m not tempted to get something terrible at work (plus…I could stand to save a few $$$, and I’ll tell you why in a bit 🙂 ). I made chicken salad using canned chicken, mayo, and some rosemary/garlic spice blend, and sprinkled a little bit of shredded cheddar cheese in there for good measure. I also set aside a small Ziploc bag of raw almonds for a snack between meals at work tomorrow, and in the morning, I plan on heating up a little bit of left over egg scramble for breakfast. Two meals planned, money saved at work, and I will be a very happy Elysia. 😀
About the money thing…When I lived in Arizona for college a few years ago, I had probably the best roommate ever. After our first semester, neither of us stayed at the school, and moved back home; me to Washington, and she to New York. It’s been 2.5 years since I’ve seen her, and I am missing her terribly! We talk often, and I am VERY happy to report that she is doing just fine after Hurricane Irene! I decided this weekend that I miss her tons, and I will be saving up a little bit of money from each paycheck for the next year to go visit her in New York. I would like to visit her in the end of September or early October 2012. I’ve told her of my plans, and she is also very excited.
Along with the goal of saving the money, my “big picture” goal for the next year is to have lost a decent amount of weight by the time I see her. The trip is over a year away, and I’m starting my efforts right away. My motivation is just to feel so much better, to not have to struggle with the airplane seat-belt (I hate those stupid things…), to be able to shop in all the great stores, and to be able to walk around all of New York City without a problem.
I’m very excited to start planning this trip, and even more excited to once again try my very hardest to lose some weight. OH! I wanted to point something out that I’ve noticed recently. I am developing a slight case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in the past 6 months or so, but it’s been really showing through in the past few weeks with keeping my room clean/organized, and with my nightly routine to get ready for bed, etc. I’d love to take advantage of knowing I can form and stick to habits by creating habits in regards to my health: cook something healthy each morning, have lunch ready to go the night before, etc. Maybe I’ll even get into the habit of waking up 30 minutes earlier each morning to go for a walk. I’m not sure what else I’ll try, but I think it would be greatly beneficial to me and my goals!
Wow…I just realized this blog post is a little long, but I guess I had a lot to say since I haven’t blogged in the past two weeks or so! I’m borrowing my brother’s computer at the moment, and I plan on trying to use his computer to blog and catch up with all of your posts until I am able to fix my computer.
Love you guys tons!