I have put it off as long as I can possibly put it off and now I must face the fact that I have to clean the house today. I came downstairs this morning and saw that there was a coffee creamer container sitting on the counter. My son told me that it was empty and in my head I was thinking, “WTF?? It’s only a foot away from the trash.” Of course I go to open up my step-to-open trash container to throw it away and its already half-open because the container is full.” My young son says, “The garbage is full.” Wow, he is really smarter than I realized. Right beside the garbage container is a recycling container, it’s lid was partially open, too. What does this mean to the people who live here? Clearly it means that once said containers are full, leave garbage on counter. I certainly wouldn’t expect my boys to have to take the garbage out in the morning since the bus stop is right in front of our house and some hot chick might see them carrying out garbage….that would make me a monster!
A Few of Beth’s Life Lessons For My Boys or Boys and/or Men in General
- Women find men who take out the garbage to be smokin hot and if you gathered it up and bagged it yourself big guy, EVEN HOTTER!
- Mowing the grass is sexy. This DOES NOT have to be a chore gentlemen. There are girls in the neighborhood watching you mow that grass, think about that while you mow!
- It is NOT sexy for your room to smell like a gymnasium, the girls won’t find that remotely attractive. After you wear your smelly socks, put them in the dirty laundry, not on the floor of your bedroom. Nasty.
- You have had many years to master toilet aim, get it right or get the Clorox.
- Gaming 24/7 is NOT ATTRACTIVE. Learn how to converse with actual women instead of other male online gamers who are sitting at home with no jobs living off of their parents.
- Life is NOT an episode of step-brothers – get a job, make money, leave my home or whosoever home you are mooching off of.
- If it is broken, try to fix it! Women love it when men fix things!
- Use your manners, I didn’t sit at home sacrificing the majority of my life for you to learn how to walk into the room I am in and fart. NOT ATTRACTIVE!!!
- Deodorant – Use it! Clean and fresh= Sexy. Smelly Body Odor=NO FREAKING DATE!
- The ideal time to clean your shower/tub is not at 6 months, it is after each use! Have you lost brain cells? The black stuff on the shower curtain isn’t a decoration!
- Respect women….ALL WOMEN. If you have a problem with this son, come and see me, make no mistake, I will find a way to make certain you understand this. Notice that your oldest sister’s boyfriend isn’t allowed over anymore…
- If you show me disrespect I will send you to stay one week with my mother, that should pretty much take care of that problem and of course we will have to see about getting you a new set of teeth upon your return.
- Be motivated in life. If you are sitting around watching Cops or Storage Wars every night, perhaps it is time to rethink what is important in your life. NOT ATTRACTIVE.
- Offer to lend a hand. If you plan on having a significant other in your life, you must know the importance of helping out. LEARN IT NOW OR YOU WILL WISH YOU DID LATER!
- Think before you speak at the dinner table. “This is disgusting, I don’t like it.” might slightly offend mom now, but someday those words might get you kicked out of your bed and possibly your home. Learn the fine art of telling someone that you would rather not have that meal again.
- I love the fact that you enjoy cooking for yourself in the morning and that you make yourself such elaborate dishes, what I don’t love is that they are often times left for me or someone else to clean up. I am not the hired help here and just because I am currently unemployed does not mean my time is for scrubbing your dishes. Guess what…I am even allowed to vote now!!!
- A little secret…diamonds aren’t the only way to a woman’s heart. Grab a bottle of Pledge or Windex and start cleaning and you have went from “ok” to “the world’s greatest” in moments.
- Really important….learn that when a woman says, “Nevermind, I’ll do it myself.” That is an emergency call to action and you have very little time to react to that statement…the sooner the better.
These are just a few suggestions for survival, I have a lot more where that came from! So now, I am going to put on my big girl panties and clean my house because deep down I know that I am that 80’s Enjoli woman who can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan…
Awww….yes, the Enjoli woman. The work, make dinner, take care of kids, and throw down your man woman. Hmmm….I don’t recall an Enjoli for men. ; ) I wish they would update a new purfume with a 2000 version of the Enjoli woman….of course, the song would go on for like an hour. : ) This little throw back put a smile on my face and I will go grab my rag and Pledge and dust my house feeling good about all that I do.
Take It Or Leave It…
You don’t have to be an Enjoli woman to be incredible! I may not be frying up the bacon right now but I feel quite accomplished. Feel good about all that you do, about who you are. Smile more, regret less!