This post is a serious one (mostly…), and has been about a month in the works. I’ve done a lot of contemplating, questioning, and debating over my various reasons and excuses to give up on losing weight, and I’ve decided I’m just done. I’m done taking things away from myself. Being obese, I’ve taken away my self-confidence, I’ve taken away my energy, I’ve taken away being able to walk into any store and shop for cute clothes. At the end of the day, I have taken those things away, and I am the only one who can give them back.
As mom and I have mentioned, my sister is getting married in June 2013. For the past few weeks, I have thought of how I just need to lose weight for the wedding for pictures, etc. As I think about it more and more, I would rather lose weight to give myself back the opportunity to wear a REALLY CUTE dress and look great with my date (whoever that may be…*cough*). I want to give myself those things, and in order to do that, I have to take better care of myself.
It has been really hard the past few weeks, as I’ve really bagan to uncover the inner demons that I have when losing weight. I am an emotional eater, which I don’t like to admit, and I now recognize that when someone (anyone) tells me to lose weight, I want to do the opposite and stay the same. Realizing these, I know that I’m the only one keeping these demons alive…I’m the one making the decision to emotionally eat and ignore those who give me advice. That’s all me, and only me. No one is keeping me from exercising, and no one is force feeding me naughty foods.
I know it seems as though these things have smacked me in the face before and said “DUH!” but I would rather recognize my problems again than say “forget it.” In thinking of things that have gone great in the past, I really did enjoy eating just raw foods (primal eating). I had so much more energy, and came up with some amazing recipes. I’d like to start eating that way again, because I simply enjoyed it. I also miss blogging every day. I think about the blog so often, but the time after work seems to fly by, and next thing I know, I’m an hour late for bedtime. But I want to try much harder to blog more, and I ALWAYS appreciate all of your continued support!
This is me, proclaiming ONCE AND FOR ALL, that I will do this; I will give myself my health back, I will give myself the ability to have more energy, and I PROMISE MYSELF that NO MATTER WHAT, I will love myself from thick to thin. 🙂
Really quick! Today’s foods so far:
Naked! Protien Zone drink, Rockstar energy drink, english muffin breakfast sandwich with egg and bacon on it, and spinach salad for lunch (with tomatos, cucumbers, hard boiled eggs, olives, sunflower seeds, and rosemary vinegar). I am going to a friend’s house for dinner, and she’s making healthy portabella ravioli.
I think today has been great, and I’m very happy for the day, and the opportunity to give more to myself, rather than take things away.
I’ll see you all again tomorrow. I PROMISE!