I gazed into the mirror today and thought of my 43rd birthday creeping upon me as if some venomous viper waiting to strike. I stared thoughtfully at the strands of gray beginning to make their bold statement against my auburn curls and the wrinkles next to my eyes looked as though a crow danced upon my face leaving his deep prints. A girl can no longer be seen on the outside, but she is here.
Mid-life crisis? Wisdom? Growth? It is clear that while on my journey I have cast aside old ways of thinking and patterns that no longer work for me. I have torn down walls, discovered tremendous strength within me and yet have also discovered great weaknesses. I am learning to choose my battles and let go of past hurts with a realization that I can not change the bad behavior of others, only the way I react to it, this is important to my success.
This is a self-discovery for me and I have discovered that I love deeply, passionately and give freely. My weakness is the realization of time flickering by as the sands rush through the glass and forgetting what it felt like to experience intimate passion. As the scale goes down I wonder if somehow there will be a beauty in me that will be noticed. Will I be desirable again? Will a smaller size offer forgiveness for my lack of youth?
On the outside I may be shrinking but on the inside my heart is quite heavy and longs to be lighter. A girl can no longer be seen on the outside, but she is here.